


Kill Me Now

by DamnBlackHeart



Category: Bleach
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Humor, Mild Sexual Content, One Shot, mild sexual references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-20
Updated: 2013-11-20
Packaged: 2018-01-02 04:57:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1052778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DamnBlackHeart/pseuds/DamnBlackHeart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The things your friend makes you do when they can't do it themselves, if only you knew before hand. Heck, if only you knew there would be more to it than just that.</p><p>Reader x Urahara (implied)<br/>Reader x Matsumoto (friendship)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kill Me Now

"Thanks for coming!" Matsumoto said, hugging and smothering you with her overly large breast.

"Sure," you said, once she released you.

"So this is the place?" you asked, curious to see what it looks like inside. 

You were only here because Matsumoto was inquisitive about this particular human store and wanted someone to come along. She told you that she happen to over hear from someone about interesting items that a certain store sells. You at first didn't think much of it and didn't care until she got it in her head to check it out. She asked you to come with her but you declined. In the end she manage to convince you, especially when she bought up your little illegal business hobby. [1]

It's not your fault that you like to make some extra cash by selling human items in Soul Society. Blame it on Urahara, he's the one that give you the idea in the first place. Really. You needed the money to expand your collection of cute anime stickers and buttons!

"Yes. Let's go in now," she replied, pulling you inside the store and out of your thoughts. The door bell jingled, announcing that more customers entered. You glanced around in curiousness, eyeing a cute top and an interesting lamp filled with moving liquid, in interest. _'It's not so bad. It's got some nice things,'_ you thought, plucking a t-shirt out and pressing it against your form.

"What do you think?" you asked, turning to face Matsumoto. She looked up, placing down a fuchsia plaid scarf. 

"That fits you perfectly," she laughed, pointing at you.

"Yeah, it does!" you giggled, staring at the red shirt with white writing in the front. _'Hugs...25 cents.'_

"Are you going to get it?" she asked, moving to a little area containing jewelry.

"I don't know. It is on sale...hm. I guess I'll take it," you said, placing the shirt on your left arm. "You see anything you like so far?"

"Not yet," she replied, browsing. 

"Okay," you answered, spotting colorful wrist-cuffs. _'Pretty! I always wanted one,'_ you thought, trying some on your wrist. _'Hm...I can't choose one. I like the grey pyramid wrist cuff, but the turquoise splatter one has black and that matches better with my uniform. But...the neon pink spatter is cute. What the hell, I get all three! It's not everyday I use my hard earn money on things like for myself.'_

"What do you think?" Matsumoto asked, holding up large silver hoop earrings against her ears. 

You blinked, remembering you weren't alone.

"Oh, it looks nice but isn't that going to get in the way?" you answered, leaning over and picking up a smaller pair. "What about this one?"

"I'll take those than," she placed on the ones she had and grab the pair you were holding. The both of you move to another area, looking at the room decor stuff. 

"It's interesting and cool things but I don't need them," you said, checking out a lava lamp. _'I forgot some human things require electricity...I doubt Urahara would like me running a bill because of that.'_

She hummed, picking up a large poster of a barely clothed hot guy.

"What do you think?"

You turned around, nearly falling over in surprise at what she was holding.

"Ack! You should have warned me!" you sighed, calming your heart. "It's looks like something you'll find in a woman's magazine."

"I was thinking that too! You should get it," she laughed, pressing it closer to your face. 

"What?! No, I doubt Urahara would like that on his wall. Besides I don't need that when I got someone better and is real," you said, pushing it away.

"Ah, I knew it. You loveeee him," she squealed, putting the poster back. "And when I said for you to get it, I meant to sell it to one of the females in Soul. You would make a fortune with stuff like that."

"Eh....I knew that," you blushed, looking away, "I was only messing with you!"

She grinned, giving you a one armed hug, which still managed to squish the side of your face to her breast. 

"Uhuh! Whatever you say dear!"

"Anyway, let's move onto the next section," you said, pulling her arm away and hoping to distract her.

She nodded, grabbing your wrist and dragging you to the back of the store. 

"Oh no..." you screeched in horror. _'I should have kept my mouth shut,'_ you thought, blushing at the things before you, _'I didn't know this store has an intimate section!_

Matsumoto laughed, sounding suspiciously evil.

"...did you know about this?"

"...maybe," she smiled, holding your wrist tighter, to prevent you from escaping. 

You grumbled, closing your eyes. _'Kill meee now!'_

"Why?" you asked, opening your eyes.

"No reason, really. I just wanted to see what the humans can come up with," she replied, dragging you to books.

You frowned, knowing she'll won't let you go if you don't agree.

"Fine..."

There were so many items and books, all dealing with how to spice things up in the bedroom. _'Damn, like hell, I want to know all the places to get it on or know a hundred positions to do it.'_

"Get this! Get this!"

You looked back at her, seeing her hold a bottle lube with "tantalizing tangerine flavor" on it.

"And this too!"

She pulled out a sexy see through, red lingerie and threw that and the bottle at you.

"Wha-" you caught them, blinking rapidly.

She quickly added three more items, a karma sutra book, another sexy lingerie only this time it's black, and a sex goddess book before pushing you to the register. She placed all the items on the counter, nudging you to pay for everything.

 _'What the hell?!'_ you thought, wondering how you got to the position you're in. Your face was in shock, as you slipped into your back pocket, opening your wallet and waiting for the amount to appear on the screen.

The cashier grinned, eyeing the items and than you and Matsumoto.

You sweatdropped, wondering what the creepy grin is for. You looked back at the items trying to make sense in what it would look like for someone else. _'Oh, hell no...I had enough embarrassment for one day,'_ you thought, making the connection, _'Stupid perv! We're not lesbians!'_

You glared, turning to Matsumoto.

"So, are you sure your boyfriend is going to like this?" you asked, loudly. The corner of your eyes was watching the guy's face. You smirked, pleased that he seem to frown in realization that he's wrong.

Matsumoto blinked, looking confused at your random outburst.

"What?"

You stared at her, trying to mentally get her to understand what you were doing.

"You know..." you motion to the items, "You think he's going to like these things?"

"Oh!" she laughed, "I'm sure he will."

You nodded, turning to the cashier with a smug smile.

"How much?"

He replied, telling you the amount. You nodded, giving him the cash and waited, getting your change and receipt. Matsumoto grabbed the bags and waited for you by the door. You place your wallet back and took some of the bags from her, to lessen her burden.

As the both of you left, you were finally able to breathe, happy to get out of there.

"So...what the hell was that for?" you asked, glaring at her.

"Ah, I wanted to get some things but you know how people are like. So hey, why not let someone deal with it instead."

You stared at her, your eye twitching.

"This could have been avoided if you went alone."

"Aw, what fun would that be?" she replied, pouting, "But that's not the only reason. A certain someone...hat wearing, cane and fan wielding, certain someone asked me to do them a little favor."

"Urahara...." you mumbled, getting all the more annoyed, "He's the one that told you about the store, was he not?"

She nodded.

"What's with the two lingerie? One is plenty and the other stuff?"

She smiled sheepishly. "The black one is mine and that goddess book is mine too. You can borrow it if you like. Oh, and keep the lube...that's a present from me to you since you'll be needing it."

You tripped, twitching. _'She could have at least freaking give me some money to pay for her stuff!'_

"Like I said earlier, it's easier for someone else to deal with those things for me."

"..."

 

[1] - I totally forgot if it's illegal in Soul Society to have/sell human stuff or certain things. If not just go along with it. ^-^' Though, it won't make much of a difference since that little part isn't that important. Great...a plot bunny is emerging from this. >_>


End file.
